A Poem to Comment On…New and Improved

I wrote this poem a while back and asked for some feedback.  Here is the latest version.  I don’t say finished version, because, well…poetry is never really finished, is it?

~

This Love of Yours, my only plea;

Not what I looked for, but all that I need.

Not what I wanted, but what I must take;

By the will of Your grace, and for Your Son’s sake.

~

So teach me to sing my joy to the rain

And teach me to praise You in spite of the pain

~

This Fire of Yours, the heat and the hurt

Burning away my dross and my dirt –

Send down this Fire and help me stay true,

Until I am not, and what is, is You

~

This Fire of Yours, these masterful flames

Take hold of my heart with Your burning aims;

And never a fractional moment am I

Held for too long in the flame of Your eye.

~

Send down Your Fire and help me stay true

Until I am not, and what is, is You

~

This Love of Yours, I can’t comprehend,

But gratefully, helplessly watch Your hands mend

My dead, broken heart full of anguish and shame

Into a live sacrifice unto Your name.

~

So teach me to sing my joy to the rain;

And teach me to praise You in spite of the pain;

Send down Your Fire and help me stay true

Until I am not, and what is, is

~

You

~c. a.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A Poem to Comment On…New and Improved

  1. Fantastic revisions, Carreen. I think that shortening it gave it much more power. I also like how you broke down the italicized lines and then combined them at the end. And the isolated last word is great–very strong (and where have I seen that before?!? =)). Great job!

    1. Hehe, yeah, I guess I pretty much stole that trick from you. Hope you don’t mind…I promise, I won’t publish it. =)

write on a balloon...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close