a work-in-progress: ashes of a soul

on

This is the beginning of a song that I am working on.  I have not written the end and I’ve only put what will become the chorus to music, but I thought I would post it.  Feedback appreciated.  And yes, when I have the whole thing finished, I will post it…I just can’t promise that I’ll post a video of it with the music.  =)

i didn’t intend for it to end

this way

i didn’t mean to kneel

and pray

~

i am

on my knees again

because i lack the strength to stand

i am

on my knees again

because i trusted sinking

sand

~

i don’t ask You to put me on my feet

because that would be me supporting me

~

(chorus)

pick up the ashes of my soul

break me again, but

don’t let go

Father, i know

that i can bear the flame if You hold

the ashes of my soul

~c. a.

p. s.  Megan, I did get the idea of having all the words lowercase except for Father and You from you…hope you don’t mind.  =)

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One Comment Add yours

  1. mekame31 says:

    Hey, Carreen! Great job! I really like this. There’s a lot of subtle interior rhyme that is accentuated by the structure. Fantastic! I like the lone “i am” phrases in the second stanza. The line divisions are really powerful. I also like the kneeling/standing theme and the metaphor of the flames and the ashes.

    I’m honored you stole (ahem, I mean, borrowed =)) my capitalization technique. I did note that in the second stanza you have two capitalized “I”s and in the third stanza there is a non-capitalized “you”.

    Fantastic job! I would be curious to hear this set to music–I think it’s amazing that you could actually write music to go with this. Music is a talent I do not possess lol

    I’m looking forward to seeing the final product!

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