More beginnings…

Well.  I’m back.  Trip was utterly amazing.  I’ll post pictures soon but right now what I’m really excited about are the beginnings of a new poem/song that I would love, love, love to get feedback on.  I wrote it in snatches between making up new verses to the Veggie-Tales song “Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything” (I changed it to “People Who’ve Been Everywhere”) and listening to Johnny Cash and yelling “hay!” whenever we saw a pile of haybales (because everyone thinks you said “hey!” not “hay!” and they all look…it’s fun.  When you’ve been in the car for ten hours.)  Like I said this poem/song/scribbling is just beginning.  So rip it to pieces and tell me honestly what you think because it’s a little chaotic still even to me.  But it’s exciting anyway!

so pain stains the windows

and tears smear the pane

and we sit here and wonder if weather will ever

blow this old house down again

you tip back your chair and you say to the wind

since we’re wondering, did you ever think

if a pot of gold is the end of the rainbow

what is at the beginning

is there beginning?

thought this was the end

been said before, so many times

but this time it feels like wrecking balls

yet every time the promise holds true

the promise wrapped up with a bow

and right before the house blows down

the beginning begins to show

And yes, there are more verses skimming the surface of my road-trip-fried-brain but that’s all that I have just now.  Curious to hear what you think so far…as to what I think…well.  I think the first verse has the best polish and I really like the “wonder if weather will ever” and I also like the “promise wrapped up with a bow” because it’s like a way to sneakily reference the rainbow as the symbol of God’s promise not to cover the earth with water ever again which I’m using here as a symbol of His promise never to give us more than He also gives us the grace to handle…but anyway.  Going now to enjoy some food and a movie and some vegging-out-time outside the car. It’s going to be wonderful.  Oh, yes, and some “doodling” on the piano!  I survived without it, but unless you really love playing piano you don’t know how much you can miss that big hunk of wood and steel…my fingers are just hungry for some music and I think I feel some bran’ new melodies coming…*hallelujah chorus*

~c. a.


2 thoughts on “More beginnings…

  1. I’m trying to imagine being in a car with you for…how many hours??…hehe

    Your new poem is AMAZINGAMAZINGAMAZING, imo. It has inspired me to try some of my own sometime…we’ll see. But anyway, this is fantastic. I have always been a fan of more oblique/artsy/difficult to understand poetry over the straightforward stuff. This poem is great in that way. The first two stanzas are my favorite. They give me a mental image of someone on the front porch of a little grey house in the middle of nowhere.
    The first two lines are flawless wordcraft/lyricism. I also love the image of the house and tipping the chair, and then the question about the ends of the rainbow is fantastic. I like the last two stanzas as well, but they seem a little less honed/more abstract/more “average” compared two the stunning first stanzas…
    Great job!

  2. Lol…hey, my family is quite surprisingly still sane. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. And the VeggieTales re-write wasn’t my idea…but somehow I was the one that ended up writing it. =)

    And equally funny is that I inspired you to “try” some poetry of your own sometime…as if it wasn’t you that inspired me to try something a bit deeper than odes to aerosol spray cans (yes, that really is the title of a poem I wrote for English 8). There’s no “trying” about it for you…more like whatever comes out comes out poetic, whether it’s prose or not. And don’t try telling me I’m not right, because I am. =)

    As to your more serious comments–thanks very much for the input, by the way–yes, I was pretty sure that the first half was the most polished, or maybe more like the least scribbled. It’s a work in progress…but I’m excited about the way it’s coming along. Now if the music would just suddenly magically appear like it almost did for the other one I’m working on that I haven’t posted, it would be just dandy. Oh, well.

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