this is life 18.0: the princess story, revised

on

i just finished revising the princess story that i wrote a while back.  this isn’t exactly the same revision that i turned in to my professor…apparently she didn’t like the opening sentence as much as i did, so i changed that for her when i turned it in.  but i liked it enough to change it back before i posted here.  and of course, what i turned in was properly capitalized.  yes, i know…i’m rebellious.  =]  anyway, i thought this was going to be a killer assignment: to brush up the original as much as i could, and then trim the wordcount by half!  i wasn’t sure what i was going to do, since the original was so sparse to begin with.  i confess that i may have ‘brushed it up’ with the later trimming in mind (adding superfluous words expressly for the purpose of cutting them out later).  but i did find that, even with that precaution, i could simplify even farther without damaging the story…simply because i was forced to by the numbers.  so, i’m rather pleased with the turn it’s taken, particularly at the end, which was the part of the first draft that really needed work.  hope you all enjoy!

(what a princess needs)

(c. a. webb)

rose was not a princess.

she had a ballgown.  she had a crown. she even had a castle.

but rose was not a princess.

so she went to the cottage in the forest to see the wise old woman. perhaps she could tell rose what else she needed to be a princess.

the wise old woman was weeding her garden.

rose said, ‘i have a ballgown, a crown, and a castle.  but i am not a princess.  what else do i need?’

the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘rose, i am not as strong as i once was.  please help me weed my garden.’

so rose helped the wise old woman…and her ballgown got dirty.  the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘thank you, rose.’

and rose went back to the castle.

the next day, rose still was not a princess.  so she went to see the wise old woman.  perhaps today she would tell rose what else she needed to be a princess.

the wise old woman was collecting firewood for her fire.

rose said, ‘my ballgown is dirty, but i still have a crown and a castle.  and i still am not a princess.  what else do i need?’

the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘rose, i am not as strong as i once was.  please help me collect firewood for my fire.’

so rose helped the wise old woman…and her crown got lost.  the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘thank you, rose.’

and rose went back to the castle.

the next day, rose still was not a princess.  so she went to see the wise old woman.  perhaps today she would tell rose what she still needed to be a princess.

the wise old woman was peeling potatoes for supper.

rose said, ‘my ballgown is dirty.  my crown is lost.  but i still have a castle.  and i still am not a princess.  what else do i need?’

the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘rose, i am not as strong as i once was.  please help me peel potatoes for my supper.’

so rose helped the wise old woman.  by the time the supper was made, it was dark.  the wise old woman said, ‘i am so lonely here in my cottage by myself.  please eat supper and stay the night with me.’

so rose did not go back to the castle that night.  she ate supper and stayed the night in the cottage with the wise old woman.

the next day, rose woke up in the cottage.

she still was not a princess.

rose sighed and went outside.  the wise old woman was washing the windows.

‘i will never be a princess,’ rose said sadly.  ‘my ballgown is dirty.  my crown is gone.  my castle is far away.’

the wise old woman smiled her wise smile and said, ‘a princess does not need a ballgown, a crown, or a castle.  all she needs is a servant’s heart.’

rose did not understand.  if her ballgown, her crown, and her castle were not enough to make her a princess, how could a servant’s heart make her one?

‘what is a servant’s heart?’ asked rose.

‘a servant’s heart means that you care about other people more than about yourself,’ said the wise old woman.

rose thought for a moment.  she looked at the cottage with its dirty windows.

rose smiled a wise smile.  she said, ‘you are not as strong as you once were.  may i help you wash your windows?’

then the princess rolled up her sleeves.

Advertisements

One Comment Add yours

  1. This is a great children’s story!

write on a balloon...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s